In no way was my friend, the late Ryan Dennison anything like the late Heath Ledger. While I don't know much about Heath's personal life, even though our circles do cross, I know more about my friend, Ryan, who was killed November 15, 2006 in Balad, Iraq. Ryan is not a hero because of how he died, but for how he lived. He would have celebrated his fourth wedding anniversary this past week to his wife, Haley, who also serves in the armed forces and was in the mountains of Afghanistan on that day he fell. I was in New York when my friend Chris called me and, after seeing three missed calls from him in the span of an hour, I knew that Ryan was dead.
I remember not being able to attend their wedding and the first time I met her was at Arlington National Cemetery on a cold November morning while they regally wheeled her husband past her and his closet friends in a horse-drawn caisson, preceded by a color guard. The flag-draped coffin was escorted by bearers and an escort platoon. A military band followed, which I didn't much care for, though I know it's all part of the ceremony. Cortege and mourners proceed to the burial ground. Near the gravesite, the cortege stops, and with a flourish of military precision, the coffin is carried to a platform where the family is consoled and the flag is presented with the "condolences of the President of the United States of America." I'm sure it didn't help much to hear that.
Like I said before, I had never had the pleasure of meeting Haley Dennison before this tragic day. I never met Heath before his demise, either, but spent a good deal of time at his impromptu shrine on Broome Street after his untimely death.
Ryan was a military man, very conservative and Christian. He was the top of his class at West Point where he met Haley. I remember in the summer of 2005 I was playing Frisbee golf with a teacher of mine from high school who was particularly close with Ryan. He told me that Ryan was getting shipped over to the front line very soon.
"Jesus," I said, completely taken aback by the thought of him in combat. "What a waste that would be if...well, you know." He looked at me with an icy and forlorn stare.
"Yeah."
As far as I know, Heath was not religious. I know that in the end of his days, he was most likely manically depressed and adorned himself in "Christ-like" garb, according to a friend of mine who knew him quite well.
In my short life, I've lost nine close friends. I dare you to find someone with a track record like that. I hope for their sake that it proves very difficult for you. They all had something special to offer and they did their best to get it out while they walked the earth. My youngest friend to die was when I was 18; Samantha, or Samm. For those of you who don't know, when I go by Jonn, the second "N" is in tribute to her. She always dared to be different and has helped me march to the beat of my own drum as time has escaped me.
I segue Heath and Ryan because, after being a huge Heath fan for many years, especially after his epic performance in 2005's Brokeback Mountain, I saw him this past week in The Dark Knight. I was riveted and my eyes never left the screen for an instant when he was on. It was like a cruel joke: someone was showing me the best that could ever be hoped for and telling me that I was never going to be able to enjoy it again. Apples that will never taste as sweet again; the thought of losing your taste buds after eating the beef wellington at One if by Land, Two if By Sea on Barrow Street in the Village; losing your hearing after experiencing "The Marriage of Figaro;" going blind after seeing the sun set on the Serengeti. My point is that you were able to witness pure beauty and abject genius, but it makes you hungry for more. Without a doubt in anyone's mind who experiences The Dark Knight, Heath Ledger will be remembered for his role as the Joker, one of the most darkly satisfying and terrifying movie villains in all the annals of cinema.
As I sat in the theatre and watched Heath absolutely shine into the crowd, it depressed me so much to think of this as his opus, not that it's anything less than worthy of the posthumous Oscar he will undoubtedly receive, moreover, it depressed me that this is the last time I will get to experience him in all his majesty, as he truly had so much left to offer. As with all stars of the silver screen that are plucked from us like the wildflowers they are before their time, it makes you wonder what they would have done next to dazzle you. It immortalizes them in a way, which may or may not be the case, as they could have just as easily turned to subpar career advice in the future, though with Heath Ledger, this is quite unlikely.
Ryan, as well as my other friends who were taken from me early, made me wonder in the same light what I would have seen from them were they still around. How they would have impacted the world and not necessarily on an international level or one as glamorous as Heath did. Most people can't change the world on a global scale, but you can make a dent and change that which surrounds you. Ryan Dennison certainly would have done that. It made me sad thinking about the kids of his I will never get to see, the times in New York that we will never get to spend when he got back Stateside, and the stories we would have confided in each other over the years.
As with both of these extraordinary men, a quote come to mind which my friend Noah used to be very fond of saying, "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend."
Heath Andrew Ledger April 4, 1979-January 22, 2008
John Ryan Dennison February 22, 1982-November 15, 2006
Quem di Diligunt, Adolescens Moritur
"Whom the gods favor die
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